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Jul. 1st, 2009 @ 07:26 pm
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"Kissing you with my nose stuffed up is like do-it-yourself breathplay."
-??? |
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Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 06:33 pm
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I imagine that the only thing sadder than getting the oxygen tank and hospital bed is giving them back.
We took the bed apart yesterday and untaped the tubing from the doorframes.
Today we tidied the house for the viewing.
We are making the program for the funeral mass, renting chairs, ordering food, buying black outfits, hanging pictures, doing laundry, last-minute gardening. Phones, emails, international flights. We will run out of work to bury ourselves in.
There is a hole in our family. A 55 year-old widow. |
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Jun. 7th, 2009 @ 02:36 am
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A Short List of my California Adventures
Flew by myself for the first time.
Sent my first text message.
Had a free lunch at a cafeteria at Google. They actually call the campus the Googleplex.
Walked through the fancy subdivisions in San Carlo.
Went to a jazz concert in wine country.
Had my first In-n-Out experience. It was like McDonalds, but fluffier.
Breakfasted on three quarters of a pound of prosciutto.
Saw a hipster restaurant with a sign-up sheet outside. That served the dual purpose of getting in line for a table and making sure that everyone else sees how cool you are.
Almost got run over by a fire truck.
Walked up Haight to Ashbury. The actual intersection is full of tourist crap, but the rest was authentically hippie.
Bought a really funny book at one of the anarchist bookshops on Haight.
Went to see a simulcast of Tosca at the ballpark. There were 15,000 people watching the opera.
Went to a genuine San Francisco costume party/house rave. There was a Pokemon, a Teletubbie and lots of pot.
Walked barefoot on the beach under the full moon.
Went to an alcohol-fuelled street festival. It wasn't any different than any other city's street festivals, I think.
Went over the Golden Gate bridge a few times and stared rapturously at everything.
Went to a crab bake and played Taboo for three hours. |
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May. 27th, 2009 @ 01:45 pm
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I may have just read the best fic of my life. It was an RPS AU with Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles.
Who are these people? Is it still RPS if I have no idea who they are?
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I visited the Gomes family for the first time in five years on the weekend.
The girls are tall and beautiful. The mother is radically slimmer and beautiful. The father is the same, just with more grey in his hair and a job at a different software company. They're a real immigrant success story. The children play the piano and go to karate lessons and do housework and are obedient Pakistani daughters with the outward confidence of Westerners (No, this isn't a contradiction).
Is that why my grandma grandpa aunts uncles and every single one of the cousins either has a degree or is working towards one? Is it because we are immigrants? I never thought of us as immigrants, not really. We don't speak any other language or even with any real accent (except for some residual Britishness when the grown-ups get together). We are an academic family.Higher education is an expectation. I think that hardworking immigrant syndrome only comes when you define yourself in opposition to the dominant culture. Mrs. Gomes knows that she holds her children to a higher standard. "White people" and "in this country" and instances of general superiority pepper her speech.
Us? I forget that I am not white until someone reminds me.
Thoughts? |
| » The darkness is starving. It's eating the rocks. |
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Today we studied the difference between wanting to be and wanting to be with. Just another step in the plan to get rid of these stupid adolescent crushes. The "aww, he ain't worth my time" method has also been used.
After all, I am too old for this shit.
I am now a waitress-in-training at Sushi Kui in the St. Andrew's plaza. Next step is to learn how to pronounce the restaurant's name.
And my brother is a class-skipping pot-smoking hooligan. With class-skipping pot-smoking hooligan friends. No change on that front.
May. 5th, 2009 @ 07:55 pm
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| » Nay! These are the marks of love! |
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I can't be twenty. I don't know anything.
I can't be twenty. I still have too much teenage angst.
I am twenty years old and my life is not perfect yet. What's the hold-up?
Apr. 21st, 2009 @ 12:44 am
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I just bombed the shit out of Native Lit, but I am trying really hard not to care.
After all, I just got back from delirious fun with my cousins.
We played spoons and hid the spoons in Nigel's clothing because he fell asleep. We played sandman in a playground downtown and narrowly avoided blindly groping the toddlers. We invented a new version of hanky panky and rolled Sonja in the carpet when we were done. We ate tons of food at home, ate South Indian and went on a lassi crawl on Gerrard, sang karaoke in a private room, played four games of mafia in one night, got yelled at real bad by grandma, went all mushy over the newest cousin, had a freezing cold photo shoot by the lake and made plans to meet up and do it all again in San Francisco.
I feel most like myself when I'm with my cousins. I think it has to do with the torrential outpouring of unconditional love. Aunts and uncles are swayed by politics. Grandma is kind of grumpy at four in the morning. But cousins are forever.
There's just something about so many people having such unshakeable faith in you. Like you can do anything. One of us (them?) is an illegal alien in Florida. One just got into Wharton for his MBA, one is going to learn French in Montreal, one teaches high school physics online, one just got her high school diploma, one is failing grade nine math, etc. There is such a richness of stories.
Apr. 15th, 2009 @ 01:39 am
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| » Tybalt, you ratcatcher! Will you walk? |
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Just in case you people on Megan's flist think our relationship is crumbling, I need to tell you that I have a sushi date with Mr. Unsecret himself. Today. At one. I think I need some tranquilizers.
So we're fine.
Just so you know.
Apr. 6th, 2009 @ 10:07 am
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| » Nothing is impossible, you'll find / within the zone of the unconscious mind. |
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My house is shaking.
With the mysterious two week-long excavation project next door and the heavy construction equipment that just went down the street, I'm kind of worried.
Yesterday, my Unsecret Crush was really affectionate and sweet and saying that he'd miss me when he graduated and we should hang out after we go back home. It was beautiful.
Then I found out that his alcohol tolerance is almost as bad as Megan's.
He could barely walk to the party.
An extension on a paper is not a simple "whatever, I don't care when you hand it in". It's an "I care enough about you to give you another chance. I know that you can do better." I just need to work on the "doing better" bit.
Here is what happened in Topics in the Apocalypse yesterday.
Kyle: So, I'll pretend like I have a nosebleed and you're helping me. We can get our stuff at the end of class.
Helena: Genius! Wait, Narbonne's coming! Ssh!
Narbonne: So, Helena. Are you doing a study group for this class?
Helena: ...erk. Yes?
Narbonne: Do you mind opening it up to the rest of the class?
Helena: *in her head* Of course I fucking mind! I hate stupid people in my study groups! I almost killed two girls for being stupid, you know. I'm pretty sure one of them cried, at least.
Helena: *in real life*: Well, I'm really mean. I yell at people a lot.
Narbonne: That's fine. Class, Helena is holding a study group!
So he suckered me into teaching the last twelve weeks to a bunch of snot-nosed slackers.
I can deny that man nothing.
Eff.
This show is the best one yet. The actors are all lovely, the people backstage are mostly lovely and the production itself is lovely. This one is my favourite. I feel like it's my reward for spending 600 hours in the theatre this year. And an enticement to spend another 600 next year.
Mar. 27th, 2009 @ 03:20 pm
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Beth: Yeah, so I used to be blonde.
Helena: ! You have two choices. "Goldilocks" or "sugartits".
Beth: How about I shove your computer so far up your butt it prints through your mouth?
Helena: Uh-oh, you go to the gym, so I better watch out.
Stratford doesn't want me and the teaching in Italy thing won't place me with Windsor people. So... who knows about a (good) job in Aurora/Newmarket/Richmond Hill/downtown? Vaughan might even permissible, even though it's the ugliest and worst planned township in the history of humanity.
Bar none.
Mar. 17th, 2009 @ 10:57 pm
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One of our actors just choked on a piece of her fan that she bites off in a fit of rage. I don't know who I pushed to get to her or how my lappy ended up on the floor, but she was fine by the time I got to her. Man, am I glad I got my CPR last month.
The energy backstage is really weird. Everyone is just staring at each other, shell-shocked. We're not even yelling at people for eating in their costumes. They could probably do with a sugar rush.
Whoa.
Mar. 7th, 2009 @ 08:58 pm
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I had two uncomfortable conversation with BFAs trying to kindly explain the schism between the programs today. It's really bizarre how two groups of people that are indistinguishable to outsiders have such consistently different views. One explanation is like someone telling you the sky is blue because of something to do with colour theory and refraction and the other person is D.W saying that it's because brown was taken by dirt and yellow by bananas. They're both indistinct and difficult to disprove, but one is more facile and comforting than the other. My opinion? They're highly conditioned to act in ways that non-actors perceive as rude and stupid. There are some (eleven in the school right now) that are impervious to this conditioning and I love them for it.
In other news, there are now two Plymouth people on my flist, so I should be more impressive. Sadly, my world has shrunk to theatre and homework and bitterness, so there's not much to say. I painted for five hours straight today and had a lovely conversation with David, even if some of my finger joints no longer realize they exist.
When Megan and I crossed paths in our hallway this morning, we didn't say "Hi, honey! I love you!" or "Ah, my sweet, I'l cuddle you when I get back from class" or "the laundry REALLY needs to happen tonight (and it does)". No. It was "See you tomorrow." There is something fundamentally wrong with our schedules to have her at ERT when I'm at the theatre. I read somewhere that gay boys overperform in school so they can prove they're just as good as straights. This was clearly not the case with our boys, but it's still at the back of my mind.
I have a huge and thorny dilemma. I'm going to be this picture for Drama Formal. A good deal of what Modigliani controversial was his honest representation of female bodies. Including armpit hair. So... total loyalty to the painting or North American beauty norms? On the one hand, we're supposedly more liberal and artistic. On the other hand, gossip flies fast as anything and I may never live it down. Also, pictures will end up on Facebook.
Also, who wants to be in Toronto for April 25 so we can find out our BNF heroes aren't that impressive in real life?
Mar. 5th, 2009 @ 12:09 am
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| » And that's why I have to get rid of the crew |
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Even though the Stratford interview didn't work out so well, there is a silver lining to this situation.
The hair product I bought right before I got on the bus because I realized I didn't want to be a frizzball?
Totally awesome! I look like a curl model.
I think that, all things considered, this a far better outcome.
Srsly.
Feb. 21st, 2009 @ 10:56 pm
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| » They threw the Warden of Heaven out the airlock! |
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I'm back. It's nice.
All the third years are a-tizz with their roles for next year. The costumes are held together with safety pins and prayers. Chris George is putting the moves on everyone who breathes.
It's comforting.
Maybe I'm too young to settle for comforting instead of adventures and struggle. Maybe I'm wasting my opportunity for spectacular undergrad exploration lacing corsets in an intellectual backwater.
But it still feels a hell of a lot like home.
Feb. 19th, 2009 @ 06:32 pm
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| » Who did you have to betray, my baby? |
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Saturday, the day after banning Dean from the costume shop, he came back in and wouldn't leave when I asked him to. So I made him wait after the show and we had a talk. Or, he had a yell. I had a nice level voice.
The stage manager decreed that there would be no actors in the costume shop and it would be a clean slate.
Sunday was nice, but the show was cancelled after half an hour because one of the principal actors was coughing up blood.
Monday, I hear that Dean told people that he was going to get kicked out of the program because I was going to have the police charge him with assault. I laugh all the way to the drama building, where check my email before I go in and finish the rest of my laundry. I find an email from my boss threatening to take away my keys, not let me work any shows EVAR and telling me to show my unprofessional favouritism on my own time. Apparently, the stage manager had sent a show report detailing the Incident with The Knife, 75% of which was not actually true. Apparently, two other actors approached her and said that I was being an unprofessional bitch. Apparently, I yelled back at him. Lots of other apparentlys.
So, I sent the SM the snidest email of my life and went to get called onto the carpet big time.
It wasn't actually that bad. She thinks Dean is a jerk too. It was basically a "you made me look so bad because this didn't go in the show report" lecture.
Mr. Coughing-up-Blood was not okay yesterday, so there was an emergency rehearsal with the understudy. Guess who the understudy is.
Yup.
Mr. Coughing-up-Blood was not okay today. Guess who went on for him.
Yup.
And he actually wasn't that bad. He didn't have to ask for lines and -more importantly- he cut half an hour off the show. I'm not sure how, but it was nice. And I congratulated him. And I smiled at him when he came into my costume shop. And I clapped for him at the end of the show.
When he came off stage, all the other actors crowded around and cheered like he had delivered a reasonably good performance after three days of preparation on top of normal schoolwork and audition preparation. Which he had.
It was very Slings and Arrows.
I heard that Dean is going to have a review meeting with Tina, the interim director of the school. I don't know how I feel about this.
Feb. 5th, 2009 @ 01:34 am
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| » You know what I love about this country, Captain? |
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I love actors.
The show today was cancelled because one of them was coughing up blood.
Feb. 1st, 2009 @ 07:43 pm
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| » Men! I want the riverbank cleared! |
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I just can't seem to stay out of trouble here.
Yesterday, I spilled a bucket of paint and ruined a mop trying to clean it up.
Today, I ripped a costume to shit because I put it in the washer. It's a COTTON SHIRT! HOW did I manage this?!
The show hasn't even opened!
Fuck!
Jan. 28th, 2009 @ 12:41 am
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| » You can't have liberty and equality under the same banner. Heads will roll! |
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I attended an information session for a dubious international exchange organization that looks like a pyramid scheme run by sweet-faced business students. AIESEC claims to be the largest student-run organization in the world, but there is the little fact that you can't get any information about internships abroad until you fork over $400. Plus $25 for membership.
And how the question "Is this just for business students? Do arts organizations participate in this?" elicited three different responses.
There's definitely something in the kool-aid.
And my brilliant plan for popping over to U of T for a semester is starting to look less brilliant. Apparently, they don't like to give Visiting Students full course loads or upper-level courses, both of which are things I would like very much. And I would get to choose my courses after all 50,000 students get to. So... all those drunken "Helena, we'll miss you!"s may be vindicated.
The infighting between drama staff and faculty is getting ridiculous. The costume designer is frazzled out of her mind and the wardrobe mistress poached the two best helpers and I just want to make wigs. Really, that's all I want. Or to have her tell me with certainty that she doesn't want my help so I can paint instead.
I like how the dedicated students are rising to the top. My friends are the ones that walked the picked line with our professors and we're the ones taking on insane amounts of responsibility and putting in solid hours for the shows. It seems that my year has always been less than the one directly before it. But now that we've broken the batch mentality (most of my friends are older than me), things have evened out.
Also, The Tudors is lovely. Jonathan Rhys Meyers' crazy eyes. Natalie Dormer's cleavage. Perfect combination.
Jan. 21st, 2009 @ 12:59 am
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| » first meme in years |
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Snagged from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) florahart, even though she has no idea who I am.
</span>"These are the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish."
Also, has anyone else found that AP English is like the cheat codes to the universe? Maybe it's because actors have no idea how to write, but I'm a big celebrity with the spiral-bound course packs. ( List of pretentious-looking books )
Dec. 12th, 2008 @ 04:07 pm
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